Chapter One: Don’t Make My Baby Blue

The feeling of her rigid body as he talked of the possibility of having another child lingered roughly in Keaghan’s mind.  It would be one thing if her reaction simply stemmed from being caught off guard but as they progressed further into the conversation he knew it was more.  Her body language and tone of voice gave the distinct impression of a woman disinterested in building a family.

By the light of morning their conversation drilled so many tiny holes of doubt into his brain he thought for sure his head would explode.  Curious as to why she suddenly felt so adverse about having a second child he’d spent the better part of the night racking his brain for reasons why.  By the time he’d finally gotten up from the couch and made way to their bedroom his head was throbbing with all the rampant thoughts tap dancing around his brain.  Yet he still had no answers.

Even now, after a night that included very little sleep, each drop of rain trailing down the windows seemed to roar through the room.  Not even a syllable closer to an answer he sat in the darkness of early morning listening to the thunderous pounding inside his head.  Thinking back on it now he wondered if there were other signs indicating her apprehension.  Signs perhaps he had missed in his excitement.

“But why?” he wondered aloud to himself.

For months before she’d been inseminated with Liam she had talked about how wonderful it would be to have more than one child.  Even after she reasoned very clearly, on more than one occasion, that she knew what it was like growing up an only child she knew that at times it could be a lonely and isolating experience.  Neve didn’t want that for Liam, she wanted him to have someone to share a close bond with, someone closer to his own age.

Shaking his head hoping to clear out the beating of the drums Keaghan couldn’t stop himself from chattering.

“Why would she change her mind about that?”

Leaning back into the downy cushions of the couch he dropped his head back.

“She wouldn’t change her mind about that would she?”

Staring up at the ceiling he tried to piece anything he could grasp at together; racking his brain for clues he may have missed over time.  A look here a comment there anything that would make her reaction last night clearer than a mud puddle.

“Maybe I’m reading to much into it.  Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t really there.”

His biggest problem at the moment?  They had not recently discussed the idea of more children.  Without that finding any real indication on the reasoning for her reaction would be difficult at best.

“Just drop it man.  Leave it alone and revisit the issue with her later.”

Only he couldn’t, he couldn’t get it out of his mind. The apartment seemed even more stifling with the soft oranges of dawn than it had when they decided the evening before that house hunting would be a good idea.  It was like in that one instant of apprehension on Neve’s part all of the walls began to close in.  He could feel the air thicken and the heat rise taking with it all breathable oxygen.

Rising from the warmth of the couch Keaghan shuffled to the front door.  Though much smaller in stature than the night before the apartment was tranquil and quiet with Liam and Neve still asleep.  It was so blissfully silent that the only noise to be heard currently was the sound of his pajama bottoms rustling against the hardwood floor.

Opening the door he bustled himself against the crisp fall air that was blowing aimlessly through their breezeway.  Grabbing hold of the Sunday newspaper he quickly shut the door and made his way backwards to return to the cozy warmth of the inner portions of their apartment. Navigating back through the main living space he took up final residence in the dining area.

Dropping the thick paper on the empty table he tossed the front pages of several sections aside until he found real estate section.  If he was going to be up and obsessing he might as well do it productively.  At the very least he could make the attempt to have something tangible to show for his hours of sleeplessness.

“Daddy, daddy!”

Hearing the squeal of his son’s excited voice echoing from down the hall Keaghan barely had enough time to turn around before the young boy was sliding across the floor catapulting himself into his father’s arms.

“Hey Sprout, what’s got you so excited this morning?”

Chuckling at the way the boy wriggled in his arms Keaghan rose to full height and carried him the rest of the way to the table.  Sitting in one of the chairs he settled Liam on his lap.

“It’s Sunday.” Liam replied his voice an audible shrug and as nonchalant as a child his age could be.

“And Sunday is exciting because?” Neve asked tiredly making her presence among them now known.

Shuffling towards her son and husband Neve yawned deeply before bending over each for kisses to temples.

“Cartoons mommy.” Liam answered animatedly bringing both his hands to rest on her cheeks, “Today is good cartoons day.”

Nodding her head in understanding Neve rose to full height and curled her fingers in her son’s hair.  Tousling the already messy locks she watched lovingly as he shook her off.

“Ahhhh yes I should have known it revolved around some sort of animated thing-a-ma-bob.”

Raising his eyes to her Liam furrowed his brows and waved a finger in her face, “Silly mommy.”

Taking hold of that same finger Neve waved it back and forth as her husband spoke to their son.

“What do you say you head into the bathroom and wash your hands while mommy and I get breakfast ready?”

“But Daddy,” Liam whined and pouted, “barnyard animals are on already.”

Recognizing Liam’s shorthand name for his favorite cartoon Keaghan lifted the boy from his lap and set him to stand on the floor.

“Well then you better hurry you don’t want to miss any more than you already have.”

Watching the blur of light as Liam sped away towards the bathroom.  Shaking his head at his son’s dramatic and rapid departure Keaghan reached out and wrapped his fingers around Neve’s wrist before she too could get away.  Drawing her closer to him he gently placed her on his lap.  Circling his arms around her waist he let his hands come to rest on her abdomen.

“Back to the Barnyard is clearly a never miss half hour of animated enjoyment.  I swear he gets more hyper every day.”

Nodding her head in agreement Neve yawned just before dropping it down to rest on his shoulder.

“It’s exhausting isn’t it?” she laughed softly.

Leaning back several inches Keaghan took in his wife’s appearance. Her eyes were roomy and lids puffy.  Much like him it seemed she didn’t get much sleep the evening before.

“Do you want to go back to bed for awhile?” he asked, “ Because I can make breakfast for Liam and I if you do.”

Extricating herself from Keaghan’s grasp Neve stood beside him.  Weaving her fingers into his hair, as she had done with their son moments earlier, she let them massage his scalp.

“No, no….I just need some coffee. Besides I like our lazy Sunday mornings.  Nothing is better than breakfast and couch dwelling.”

Silently agreeing Keaghan wondered how lazy their Sunday morning really would be.  Considering how restless each of them were coupled with the task they had planned for the day he doubted sincerely that relaxation was going to be number one on their to do list.  Rustling the section of the paper he’d just separated out Keaghan angled it towards his wife and gave a pointed stare.

Meeting his silent declaration with a heavy sigh Neve nodded, “I know, house hunting today.”

Turning in his chair so that Neve was now standing between his open legs Keaghan began to play with the tie to her bathrobe.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s kind of gloomy out anyway the perfect day to snuggle into the house for the day if you prefer.”

“No….no, if we keep Liam holed up here all day it will be impossible to get him to bed tonight.” Neve replied placing her hands over his as they fiddled with the tie.

Pulling her closer Keaghan placed his hands on her hips, “I could take him out to one of those kids gyms and have him expend a little energy.  Give you a day off.”

“Really Keagh I want to go house hunting.” Neve announced half-heartedly.

Even though she knew they needed someplace bigger than their two-bedroom apartment for some reason she just wasn’t all that interested in getting out there and looking.  Unfortunately she knew there wasn’t any way to really avoid it at this point and Liam really would be happier with more room to play in.

Pasting a smile on her face Neve angled herself back a bit, “We need to find someplace bigger.  Hopefully something with a back yard so Liam can play in the snow and have a jungle gym and the things that other kids his age have.”

Dropping his hands into his lap Keaghan agreed, “Alright as long as you’re sure.”

“I’m positive.” Neve answered, “Now, let me see about getting some breakfast put together here.”

As she turned to head towards the kitchen Keaghan gently grasped hold of her arm one more time.  Using his other free hand to retrieve the paper on the table he handed it to her.

“How about this, why don’t you take the real estate section and go to the couch.  Start looking through and circling some possibilities while I get coffee and breakfast ready.”

Her eyes lighting up for the first time all morning Neve practically squealed as loudly as Liam had minutes before.

“Really?  You aren’t too tired from work yesterday?”

Standing Keaghan removed the remainder of the Sunday paper from the dining table and brought it against his chest.

“No more tired than you are from a day hanging out with our over active son.”

Rising on her toes Neve gifted her husband with a soft kiss to the cheek.

“That would be fabulous.  Truly amazing.”

“Please, like I would be anything but.” he crowed proudly his voice laced with faux cockiness.

“And there is the man I married.” Neve swiped at his chest, “God forbid we go a day without a little self-worshipping arrogance.”

Smiling down at his wife Keaghan bussed her lips quickly before excusing himself to the kitchen.

“True, but it’s one of the reasons you love me so.”

Once among the stainless steel appliances he dropped the paper he’d been holding on to the counter. Going about the business of making their breakfast he put a filter and grinds in the coffeemaker, eggs began to sizzle in an overheated pan, and cereal chimed against the plastic of a child-sized bowl.  Assuring that each person had their mornings desire he set the table and finished up by filled the juice glasses.

Preparations now complete and with all food on the table Keaghan moved out into the living space.  Stopping just short of his announcement that breakfast was ready and waiting he observed how lovely his family looked.

Neve was curled up on her favorite oversized chair with a blanket draped over her legs.  Circling away on the newspaper he could see the deep lines of concentration painted on her forehead.  Moving his gaze across the room he noticed that while he was busy Liam had made his way back out and planted himself on the floor in front of the television.  Sitting Indian style the child’s rapt attention was firmly on the glowing box mere inches away.

“How are Otis, Bessy and the barnyard gang this morning Sprout?”

Completely enthralled with the dancing and wiggling farm animals flickering on the screen before him Liam made no movement to answer.

“Don’t bother, he can’t hear you.” Neve giggled.

Scuffling across the room Keaghan placed himself on the arm of her chair, “I bet I can get his attention.”

“No way no how.” she laughed, “Not until the end of this show anyway.”

Returning her attention to the newspaper she circled another advertisement before looking up at her husband.

“That is unless you want to make him cry.”

Standing back up Keaghan placed his hands on his hips and donned a playful stance.

“Wanna wager on it?”

“I have all the money I need already.” Neve shrugged mindlessly tapping her [en to her forehead.

“You do, do you?” Keaghan laughed.

Looking up she batted her eyelashes, “Yes.  I married a world class surgeon and we have a joint checking account.”

“Damn.” He huffed sarcastically, “So now we’ll have to think of something else to bet.”

Jumping up lightheartedly Neve waved the real estate section in her husbands face.

“Winner gets to pick the house?”

A skeptical look washing over his face he quirked an eyebrow and effectively dashed her hopes.

“Hardly.  That is something we most assuredly need to agree on.”

Pouting as if she were the child instead of their son Neve began to follow here now retreating husband towards the table.

“Fine, fine.”

“Lets see what can we come up with?” Keaghan pondered, “I think….I think it should be winners choice.”

Dropping into her chair Neve immediately took hold of the coffee pot and poured both herself and Keaghan a cup.

“Dare I ask what that means exactly?”

Holding the carafe steady Keaghan poured a splash of cream into Neve’s mug then a bit into his own.

“I mean that whomever wins the bet will get to make the other to do whatever they want and said person will have to do it no questions asked.”

Narrowing her eyes cynically Neve spooned some sugar into her coffee.

“Anything?”

“Within reason.” Keaghan waved, “Nothing illegal certainly.”

Painting a lurid smile on his face he leaned over the dark wood of the dining table and nuzzled his wife’s neck.

“But….a lot of what’s running through my mind right now could be considered illegal in at least a handful of States.”

“States in the Bible belt I’m sure.” She laughed nervously.

Even after everything they had been through in the past several years.  Even in having the most benign of conversations on the most benign of days her husband still gave her butterflies.  Her stomach erupting in an excited stream of flips and flops.

“Probably.” He finished with a chaste kiss of her lips, “I’d think the more cosmopolitan States wouldn’t be as adverse to such expressions of payment.”

Swatting at him for the second time Neve barely missed as he leaned backwards to stand back on his side of the table.

“You’re so bad!  Our son is right over there you know.”

Breaking from his stance Keaghan practically skipped towards the kitchen, “Not for long bet loser.”

“Whatever.” Neve huffed unable to keep the smile from her face.

Returning from the kitchen moments later holding a child-sized cup Keaghan proudly called out, “Anyone want some hot chocolate?”

Wincing at the call to arms Neve braced herself what she knew was to come.  Not surprisingly within seconds of Keaghan’s rousing Liam had jumped up and started running towards the dining table.

“Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee” he squeaked hustling across the floor to his chair at the table.

“Traitor.” Neve muttered as her son swiftly took his seat at the table.

Placing a hand on her shoulder as he set the mug of hot chocolate in front of their son Keaghan laughed at his wife’s annoyance.

“What was that little miss bet loser?”

“Daddy it’s not nice to call mommy names.” Liam admonished as he gleefully brought his hot chocolate to his mouth.

Steering back around the table Keaghan took his seat at the head of the table.

“It’s ok mommy knows I’m only playing with her. Don’t you mommy?”

“Yes, daddy is just teasing mommy.” Neve added smiling supportively at her son.

She and Keaghan had been trying to be diligent in their efforts to teach Liam right from wrong, playfulness from seriousness.  They wanted him to have the strongest foundation off of which he would build depth of character and starting as early as they were was, in their opinion, the best way to go about it.

“Daddy you shouldn’t tease mommy, it’s not nice.” Liam admonished his top lip covered with whipped cream from his drink.

Glad that her son was wise enough to recognize that the teasing was good-natured Neve still reveled in his protectiveness towards her.

“That’s right daddy, you shouldn’t tease mommy.” She smiled as she reached across to pat her son’s little hand.

Leaning across the corner of the table Keaghan hovered just next to his wife and whispered lowly into her ear, “Believe me when the time comes there won’t be any teasing involved.”

Blushing slightly Neve turned and slapped the real estate section across his arm.

“Keaghan.” She admonished in a low whispered tone as her husband remained unfaltering in his chair.

Waggling his eyebrows suggestively at his wife before sipping his coffee Keaghan smiled widely before turning his attention back to their son.

“How’s that hot chocolate Sprout?”

“Yummy.” Liam responded between gulps of the hot sugary liquid.

Not remotely surprised by the response to his question Keaghan nodded and pushed Liam’s bowl closer to his tiny frame.

“Well make sure you eat your cereal too.”

Not yet relenting by putting down the small mug Liam provided his assurance, “I will Daddy, I promise.”

Focusing his attention back on his breakfast Keaghan shoveled some eggs and bacon into his mouth.

“I’ve circled some possibilites in there but you should look as well.” Neve announced as she slid the real estate section towards him, “Pick the ones you think we should see and I’ll start making some calls.”

Flipping through the pages of the paper Keaghan began to scan the advertisements. Agreeing with Neve on her selections he also circled several she had passed by.

Sliding the section back in her direction when done he rose and cleared away his plate, “I think those should about do it.”

Flipping open the page Neve looked over his choices.  She knew his tastes always ran more extravagantly then hers but his selections surprised her none-the-less.

“Keaghan these are far too expensive and way too big.  We certainly don’t need a six bedroom house.”

Taking hold of his now empty coffee cup he placed it atop the plate he was carrying.

“It gives us room to grow.”

“Grow what? A litter?” Neve spat out as she threw her napkin on the table haphazardly.

Taken aback by her bitter toned response Keaghan replaced the dishes he held back on to the table.  Seizing the paper back from her he whipped the pages apart until he arrived back where he started.  Taking the pen he’d left on the table he started crossing over each he’d circled with a large X until none of his suggestions were left.  Dropping the pen back on top of the newsprint he took back his dishes.

“You’re right what was I thinking.  Three bedrooms it is.”  he agreed dejectedly.

Retreating from the table he barely heard Neve start to breathe out his name.

“Keagha….” She whispered softly immediately hurt herself as he flinched when she reached for him.

Unsure if she should go after him Neve watched silently as he retreated down the hall to their bedroom.  Looking towards their son happily shoveling cereal into his mouth between gulps of hot chocolate Neve knew the answer when heard the door silently snap shut.  She definitely shouldn’t follow.

“Mommy, why is daddy upset?” Liam asked with a mouthful of Cheerios.

Running her fingers through his hair to press the errant strands down she smiled wanly, “I think mommy just hurt daddy’s feelings.